on school street

baby W rocks halftime

2008-01-20T23:02:00.000-05:00

make sure you turn on the volume. there was originally a more edited version, but we uploaded the wrong one. ah, well - we're amateurs.

deck the halls

2007-12-19T11:18:00.000-05:00

here's baby W decorating her first xmas tree. i'm doing my best to support both the holidays that are represented in our little family, but i'll spare you the 10 minute video of lighting the menorah and opening the hanukkah gifts. you can see how thrilled she is about ornaments; she was equally as excited by lit candles. will she always be this easy?

J Lo update

2007-12-19T09:41:00.000-05:00

well, the station wrote back and i felt the need to respond again. here is my response first, followed by the station's initial response:

Hi Chris,

Thanks so much for responding. I realize now that I
should have directed my email to Dina; I've only
started listening to the station this holiday season
and so I'm still not familiar with who's who.

I am sure that Dina is a very nice person and wouldn't
want to hurt anyone. And I'm sure that the celebrity
gossip magazines are indeed talking about J Lo's weight
gain. But we still all make choices about the way we
relay information and I felt that this could have been
an opportunity to challenge the notion that women
should be ashamed for gaining weight (particularly
while pregnant!). The link you provided suggests that
Jennifer Lopez is going to hide out for the rest of
her pregnancy because of her weight gain....I think
Dina's story could have been just as titillating if
she had challenged the ridiculousness of this.

I work with college-age women who are constantly a
source of inspiration to me as they build their
confidence amidst a world that sometimes seems
determined to thwart their efforts. I just wish there
were more people who were on their side, and it seems
like a local radio station with a public platform
could contribute so much by really doing so little.

Again, thanks for responding.

Deborah

Hi Deborah:

Thanks for listening to the show!

Sorry that the story hit you the wrong way. I know Dina very well and
I know that she wouldn't do ever do anything intentionally to offend
anyone.
I think she was going off the stories and information online that had
sources concerned over J.Lo's weight, like this story:http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
I'm not sure who the "sources" are, but they say they're concerned.
Having no kids of my own, I'm not sure what's a normal "weight" for a
woman to gain.
I hope you keep listening, and have a great holiday,

Chris :)

in defense of J Lo

2007-12-18T09:34:00.000-05:00

so i am neck deep in final paper writing, grading and general last week of the semester cuckoo-crazinesss. there isn't much that can draw my attention away at the moment. but in an effort to find some holiday tunes on the radio, i happened to catch a "celebrity gossip" piece on a mainstream radio station this morning. the part where they were lambasting jennifer lopez for gaining too much weight too early on in her pregnancy. some ill-informed woman arrogantly repeated the sooo out-dated notion that you are only supposed to gain 20-25 lbs during pregnancy. i think she even cackled afterward. there isn't much that can get me more riled up than ignorant sexist remarks like these...and spoken by a woman! so much for solidarity. soooo, for the very first time in my life i wrote in to a station to complain. of course now that i've sent it, i've thought of a million more things i wanted to say. but if i took any more time it never would have gone out. for what it's worth, here's the letter:

Dear Chris,

I have never written in to a radio station in my life, but I just heard your celebrity gossip bit, and I am compelled to respond. I’m not sure who the woman was who was doing the reporting, but I was frustrated by her discussion of Jennifer Lopez’s pregnancy. I could care less about Jennifer Lopez, but in a culture where women are constantly being scrutinized and criticized for gaining weight, where so many women suffer from devastating eating disorders, to reprimand someone for gaining weight during pregnancy is unconscionable. Most doctors today will tell you that the range of healthy weight gain during pregnancy depends on a variety of factors, and every woman gains weight at different rates. Do you know there are women who are so terrified of gaining weight during pregnancy because of the misplaced values in this country that they actually starve themselves (and their fetus) so as not to gain too much?

Furthermore, the woman who was reporting had her facts wrong. Jennifer Lopez is indeed having twins, and you are supposed to gain more weight when you are pregnant with twins. It is maddening to me that instead of trying to combat sexism your radio station took the sleazy, trite route to reproduce it. Why not try something new next time?

Sincerely,

Deborah

carnival of breastfeeding: book and media reviews (holiday gifts, anyone?)

2007-11-26T08:25:00.000-05:00

welcome to the 12th carnival of breastfeeding! i've so enjoyed reading all of the previous carnival blogs, and i am excited to be a participant this time. this month the theme of the carnival is reviews of books and media on parenting, breastfeeding and birth. be sure to check out the links to all of the reviews at the end of this post. enjoy!

Blindsided by a Diaper: Over 30 Men and Women Reveal How Parenthood Changes a Relationship, edited by Dana Bedford Hilmer.

After I read this book, I was the person you didn’t want cornering you at the cocktail party…I couldn’t shut up about it. I was able to work it into every conversation I was having. “Oh, that’s interesting, because in this book I am reading….”

Blindsided by a Diaper is a collection of essays that examine parenthood from every emotional angle and are refreshingly honest, sometimes brutally so. What if you aren’t as good at nurturing as you thought you might be? What happens when you are jealous of the relationship your partner has with your child? What if, after having a child, you better understand that the decision not to have children?

I picked up this book thinking that it would be a quick fluff piece to read before bed and instead I found it to be both thought provoking and therapeutic (really, who could ask for anything more?). There were countless times when reading this book that I was shocked by the author’s profound articulation of an experience I had or was in the midst of. It was a relief to discover that I was not alone in my ambivalence about parenthood, and not only did it allow me an opening to bring such issues up in discussion with friends who are parents (hence the cocktail party warning), it gave me permission to be a little less hard on myself for feeling that ambivalence in the first place.

While the book does a good job of including dads’ perspective (much of parenting angst memoirs seem to be dominated by the moms), a criticism is that these essays represent a very particular section of society: middle to upper middle class heterosexual couples. I think that complicating the notion of what it means to be a parent even further by including even more diverse perspectives would have enriched this work. In addition, if you find parenthood to be clean, serene and utterly uncomplicated, then this book probably has very little to say to you (unless you want to know how the other 99.9% of people feel).

Finally, a logistical point: The book is a collection of stand-alone essays, grouped in six different areas: The Roles We Play, Seeing Each Other Differently, The Communication Challenge, Making Time for Intimacy, Learning on the Job, and Not What We Were Expecting. For those of us who are lucky if we have the time to read our mail, let alone a book for pleasure, the structure of this book makes it easy to pick up and read one essay when you have a few spare minutes.

Happy reading!

And for even more happy reading, check out these other carnival participants' reviews (I'll be adding more throughout the day):

Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog reviews books for every mom on your list!
hobo mama reviews Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent.
Mama Knows Breast reviews bOObs: A Guide to Your Girls.
BreastFeedingMums reviews A Child Is Born, The Fat Ladies Club, Facing the First Five Years, NCT's Breastfeeding for Beginners, Mama Knows Breast, The Breastfeeding Cafe, The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers, and Mum's the Word.
James and the Giant Moose reviews Having Faith.
Breastfeeding 123 reviews Baby Matters, Revised 2nd Edition: What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Your Baby .
The True Face of Birth reviews Mama Knows Breast.
International Breastfeeding Symbol reviews The Baby Book and Unconditional Parenting.
Crunchy Domestic Goddess reviews the video What do Babies Want?
Tales of life with a girl on the go reviews The Best Gift

reality vs. fantasy? consume and be saved!

2007-11-19T20:36:00.000-05:00

i was talking with my friend Shannon, tonight, about the reality of our aesthetic life. she was standing in the kitchen, cooking dinner with her toddler at her side, in the midst of what she described as complete disarray in her kitchen. i can completely relate…at the end of my day (with my 9 month old who can’t even walk yet) my house looks like a tornado has run through it. scratch that, it is as if a tornado has run through a discount furniture store/storage facility/pawn shop/laundromat.

cut to this evening, after baby W goes to bed, when i pick up the Better Homes and Gardens catalog my mother has left me (is she trying to tell me something?) that i have coveted all day long. this, despite mounds of academic work and intellectual reading piled up on my desk. and in the corners of all of the rooms. fine, in the middle of the floor of my bedroom, too.

Better Homes and Gardens. it isn’t even Martha Stewart, for god’s sake (and thank god b/c a Martha Stewart catalog wouldn’t make it to after baby W went down and i’d have to start desperately flipping through the pages with abandon in moments where she was distracted). and there is one part of me, the academic anthropologist, who is shaking my head in disbelief. this is crazy…everything about this magazine is playing on my identity as a mother and homemaker with the goal of getting me to buy the things that would make my life as beautiful and serene as they are pictured in these pages. and who wants beautiful and serene when you can have colorful and chaotic, anyway? mmmmm…after a day like today? that’s a tough question to answer. in theory or in practice?

here’s a quote from this issue of BH&G, from someone named Holley:

“My mom always made Christmas so special for my sister and me. Now that I have my girls, I wanted to create a special tradition that they would love.”

This “special tradition” happens to be “a flurry of iced cookies, glass stars, and miniature ball ornaments” cascading from a glass chandelier, overlooking a table set with gorgeous matching tableware. apparently Holley has also managed to “set a small winter scene at the table’s center,” thereby allowing the “playful design to distinguish itself from the more formal table setting while paying homage to Holley’s love of gardening.”

and despite myself I’m drawn in…i, too, could be as caring of a mother as Holley. all i have to do is become smitten with gardening, completely redesign my home and get myself to the nearest Crate & Barrel or Pier 1 Imports, and my children will thank me this Christmas and on every Christmas from here on out. forget the fact that M is Jewish and i’m half Jewish, which technically means that only ¼ of baby W even celebrates Christmas.

what the f%@&, Holley?

but there is something more, here. why is it that despite my understanding of the ploys of marketing, of the despicability of rampant consumerism, of the fracturing of any feminist solidarity by holding moms up against one another, with the only goal being an increase in the sale of table linens and ornaments, why on earth do i dream of a home where everything looks that perfectly placed? is this something i seriously aspire to, or is it kind of a fantasy escape, like watching trashy TV? do i question my quality, my efficacy as a mother when i see this? does this, on some level, influence my purchasing habits?

honestly, i’m not sure. i’ll let you know the next time i pass a Pier 1. in the meantime, i’ll still covet Martha Stewart while attempting to create special traditions in the midst of my comfortable and worn chaos.

super cute and super cute x 2

2007-11-04T15:31:00.001-05:00

baby W was SuperBaby for halloween. the cutest SuperBaby ever, that is. Her friend, Lucia, was also pretty darn cute.

happy halloween, slutty witch!

2007-10-30T21:30:00.000-04:00

dear slutty witch,

first of all, my dear slutty witch, i have to break it to you – you are never going to keep up with the other trick-or-treaters in those shoes! that is, even if you manage not to freeze to death (it’s October. in Masschusetts). poor, poor, slutty witch…you look so cold, standing there in your slutty outfit, it is all i can do to keep from covering you up like i am a prude old granny.

but before you trip on your stiletto and spill your drink, dear slutty witch, please do help me understand the transformation, because i barely recognize the witch of Halloween lore. where is the crooked nose, the wart, the billowing skirt and black cape? it is as if an evil wizard shrunk your clothing and then your black Halloween cat turned on you, poor slutty witch, and all that is left are those torn fishnets and what looks an awfully lot like that black corset that i saw in the window at victoria’s secret.

i mean, i’ll admit it - i never fully embraced the “reclaiming” aspect of the most recent iteration of feminism, but it really does seem that within whatever part of this post-feminist wave that is tossing us about this Halloween eve, some intellectual analysis has been lost at sea. along with much of your clothing.

so my dear slutty witch, as you find yourself shivering on the corner waiting for the bus to take you to your Halloween party with all of the other slutty kitty-cats and slutty nurses, please take a moment to explain to me where that ugly old witch has gone and why this new slutty witch has conquered all, because i really, really want to know. oh, and is there any chance you want to borrow my sweater?

visions of a punk rock girl

2007-10-24T09:31:00.000-04:00

what is the DEALwith baby music? before baby W was born, M and i were convinced that she’d be one of those babies that only listened to good music. i.e., adult music. i.e., alternative rock. punk rock. folk. hell, at this point i’d be happy with top 40. ok, scratch that last one, that’s my desperation talking.

before W was born we made dozens of playlists…playlists that i listened to daily while pregnant and during labor. and again after she was born. quieter ones for when she was going to bed, more raucous ones for playtime. we took her to a yo la tengo concert when she was just 3 months old. i bought her a t-shirt there that won’t fit her until she is 12. M even plays her John Cage’s Indeterminacy, which you think would be quite pleasing and interesting to little ears. but, to W, it’s as if it is all white noise. there is no noticeable reaction.

until….the baby tapes go on. we’ve got the music together tape and the classics tape (with all of the oldies like ‘i’ve been working on the railroad and three blind mice). and baby W’s face literally lights up. she breaks out into one of her super wide, entire face smiles, cranes her neck around to see where this glorious sound is coming from, and flaps her arms up and down in excitement as if it is the best thing she has ever heard.

and so it has come to this. it has come to me having these little ditties circling round and round my head…while i am in class, while i am driving….these songs, seemingly benign at first and yet now maddeningly irritating…and yet what is the alternative? i grit my teeth and clap and sing along because it makes her so happy. and ultimately i suppose the only thing to do is hope this is a baby thing and not a personality thing and that in a few years she’ll be whirling round the room to the dead milkmen. and in the meantime i will search for a compromise....a rock version of hush-a-bye baby, perhaps?

afternoon delight

2007-10-03T09:06:00.000-04:00

i came across this ad for a breast pump in one of the many parenting circulars i am somehow subscribed to without having subscribed to any and i just had to post it because it so perfectly encapsulates my pumping experience! i mean, seriously – look at this woman – she may look perfectly coiffed but if you examine more carefully you’ll see that her hair is not styled, exactly, but stuck with a combination of sweat as a result of running around an overly heated building trying to find a place to pump and the milk that she accidentally forgot to clean from her pump the last time she used it that got on her hand before she tried to brush her hair out of her face. next time she’ll probably put her hair up, but she couldn’t find her hairband in the bottom of her purse which has become a bottomless pit and all she came up with were a few crumbs, a nickel with a gum wrapper stuck to it, a teething ring, and a dried out pen without a cap. and while it appears that she is looking so lovingly at the pump she is about to use, having waited longingly for this moment ALL morning, for just the two of them to have this leisurely time together, if you look closely you’ll see that it is really just delirium…you know, the kind of "i used to be just overtired, but now that overtired combined with this asinine workplace not providing me with the time or space i need to be a mom, let alone a pumping mom, NOW i have moved beyond tired into full on cuckoo-craziness and i am about to lose it kind of delirium..hee-hee-hee." you know the kind. so you know, i see this ad and i just think, PHEW. thank GOD Medela knows JUST how i feel when i am about to pump.

from identity crisis to panic attack

2007-09-07T09:21:00.000-04:00

so why didn’t anyone tell me that i was crazy to try to work, undertake a PhD and have a baby all at the same time? and if you did and i ignored you, why didn’t you shake me until I paid attention???!!! and for those of you who are doing it successfully and made it look so seamless...what the @$&%?

the semester has begun.

and on to the next....

2007-08-28T11:04:00.000-04:00

so it’s time to buy baby W her first dish set. while at first this seemed exciting, it has become my latest time-consuming obsession (read: fuel for procrastination). my mother came over last week with a set she bought and as we were looking at it both of us turned it over to see that it was made in china. i am not prone to knee-jerk reactions (ok that’s a kind of a lie) and while i’ll admit the lead thing had me running to the hardware store to buy a lead test kit, there is also the greater context surrounding that label that bothers me. in addition to worrying about stunting my child’s brain development, there’s the whole exploited worker probability, as well as the environmental impact of buying toys that have to be shipped across the world and of course consumerism in general…i mean, how many more items do i really have to buy in order to support this little being?

after a half a day of searching, however, it turns out there isn’t a single baby dish set in Northampton that isn’t made in China (if i am wrong here i’m happy to be corrected and the caveat is that A Child’s Garden on Main Street says they are getting in wooden bowls and spoons soon that i think are locally made).

and in addition to the lead and the exploited labor, there is also the concern about plastic. i read this article while baby W sat next to me, alternating between sucking on a sippy cup that most likely contains BPA and chewing on as many of her ten million plastic hand-me-down toys that she could get her hands on (bad mama, bad!).

before deciding to keep the kid in a bubble the rest of her life (are there bubbles that aren’t made out of plastic?), i turned to my environmental expert mama-friend, Andrea, for any advice that she had navigating this territory. i was hoping that since she has three kids under the age of 6, and of course because she is an environmentally-oriented and thoughtful person in general, that it was likely she might have some words of wisdom. and she did. she passed on a few helpful links that i am going to post here so that i can check them out one at a time so as not to become too overwhelmed. or broke. (btw, if you ever happen to be hiking in or around Augusta, Maine, she’s got a great blog)

A’s advice:

For lead-free made in the good ole USA child's dinnerware (although breakable) go here

There are also wooden and enamel dishes at Nova Naturals.

For a stainless-steel sippy cup, see here

Doesn't it just make you want to pull out your hair?

Also I have this site for american-made toys.

Also, as far as dishes go, I always heated and served baby food in Pyrex custard dishes (I think they sell them in the cooking aisle of the grocery store or Kmart, and are super cheap), and I still serve soup or other hot things to the twins in them (even though they're glass, they have had several hard landings and still going strong). We do use plastic cups and dishes, but I try to avoid serving hot things or acidic things in plastic (the local foods thing has outlawed juice, which is good on many other levels too). Also glass or ceramic cups (like the Fiesta ones) are so much more stable and less likely to get spilled than plastic, when you get to that open cup stage a year or so down the road. I also bought tiny enamel espresso cups at some outdoor gear store for drinking out of when they were little.

Thanks, Andrea!

i'm just a big boob

2007-08-19T20:57:00.000-04:00

my fears that baby W views me as a giant breast milk vending machine have been confirmed. tonight, in her frenzied before-bed anticipation of breastfeeding, she actually tried to latch on to the side of my face. one more second and i’d have the hickey to prove it. eee gads.

undercover pumping

2007-08-17T13:43:00.000-04:00

it is interesting all the new things i now notice since becoming a mother. a breastfeeding mother. a working breastfeeding mother. for instance…why the hell aren’t there more public pumping rooms for breastfeeding moms who travel?

here is a list of places that i have pumped in the last two days (with context, of course):

• standing up in a stall in airport restroom, sweat literally pouring off of me as i leaned against the heater they had blasting in the middle of august and trying to hurry as the line of people waiting to use the toilets grew longer by the second)

• in an empty conference room of a civic center (there were presentations going on in neighboring rooms and if anyone heard the “aruuuga, arrruuuga” of the breast pump, nobody investigated)

• in a hotel pool locker room. a hotel staff member did walk in on me here, burst out laughing, and left. hmmmm.

• in a Macy’s dressing room. probably the most risqué of them all.

baby W is nearly 6 months old, now, and i am on my first trip away from her. it is only two days, but it seems like an eternity, because i am acutely aware of every minute that my breasts remain painfully engorged and of the clogged duct that i can’t relieve with my pump that i have come to know oh so well over the past couple of days. this probably has to do with the fact that all the public places where i have pumped i was either so stressed or uncomfortable that my milk wouldn’t let down. the only time i had a really successful pump was in the privacy of my hotel room.

i can’t help but think of all the other mothers who have charted this territory before me…and if moms have been doing this for decades, why hasn’t anything changed? where are the private, comfortable rooms in airports, hotel lobbies and conference centers, all the places where women who are traveling would need them? are all moms sneaking around like i am? these are rhetorical questions, of course. i am very well aware of the systemic lack of support for new moms returning to work and that this is just one small example of what is working against us. but still. seriously. it is a little bit ridiculous.

2007-08-10T14:01:00.000-04:00

so in my continuing obsession with No Impact Man's blog, i really like the series he is attempting on presidential candidates' responses to questions about their environmental policy. check it out here.

fire-breathing dragon cake, anyone?

2007-08-01T15:05:00.000-04:00

i get really excited about how-to sites. i’d like to be more artsy and self-motivated, and sometimes i can be, but in reality i really do love following directions. i’d like to blame it on budget cuts in my elementary school for the creative arts but who knows. while i like to read about complicated projects and fantasize that i could pull them off i really, really like the easy ones. i discovered my new favorite how-to site site today, wikiHow (and it was a work-related find, really!) and i was lost in a la-la land of all of the things i am going to learn to do. which i probably won’t. but i really want to make this fire-breathing dragon cake. as the site says, what child wouldn’t enjoy a fire-breathing dragon cake? and if that doesn't work out, i can always learn how to run up a wall and flip, or, if that is a little too Fear Factor, sweep a girl off her feet.

so many possibilities!

projectile vomit? check.

2007-07-31T10:32:00.001-04:00

just a short note to satisfy my need to document baby W’s first ever projectile vomit. i’m such a proud mama.

she’s always been a projectile pooper…at two weeks i remember M and his sister changing her upstairs and the shrieks and then hysterical laughter that signified the beginning of quite a few occasions of floor and wall cleaning. so that’s old hat. but projectile vomit? i wasn’t prepared. i was trying to get her to sleep, she was overtired and crying (or in hindsight, perhaps she had an upset stomach), and was bouncing her on the exercise ball in her room (probably not great for an upset stomach). then all of a sudden it was a scene from the Exorcist. the amount of breast milk that erupted from her body was truly astonishing. in just seconds she had shot milk across the room to hit the crib, the floor, the rocking chair and yet still, somehow, she and i were both soaked. baby W, in particular looked like she had taken a bath in that flour/water glue you use for paper mache. i still can’t figure out how all of that liquid fit inside her little body. after an exclamation from me, baby W and i looked at each other in surprise. her lower lip trembled a bit, i think because she had never seen a look of shock on my face before, but then we both laughed like it was the most hilarious thing we’d seen in days. me, because i was feeling a bit overtired and delirious and that’s when bodily fluid jokes are funny, and baby W because i was laughing.

i feel as though we’ve made it through another milestone. i suppose this is breaking me in for later incidents after she starts eating solids. i’m definitely not prepared for that, yet.

next identiy crisis: in a pool in brooklyn

2007-07-30T21:12:00.000-04:00

M, baby W and I spent the weekend in nyc and surrounds. we visited with M’s parents in NJ, attended my cousin Sarah’s son Ben’s third birthday party in Queens (kudos to Sarah for the handmade touch-tide-pool and paper-clip fishing expedition she meticulously constructed behind their home…definitely classic 3rd bday activities).

on saturday evening i ventured the farthest away i’ve ever been from baby W, to a Sonic Youth concert at McCarren Park Pool on the Williamsburg/Greenpoint line in Brooklyn, while she stayed with my in-laws in the lovely NJ. after some self-flagellation and tears on the FDR drive due to my forgetting to leave any milk in case she woke up (what kind of mother leaves her child without food?!) i was able to achieve some semblance of my former self as we enjoyed an incredible concert at this new outdoor venue. or at least a glimpse in passing.

McCarren Park Pool is a fantastic setting for music. it is a seemingly football-field size pool built in the 30’s, long abandoned, that now hosts outdoor shows, with the concert-goers standing in the emptied-out pool. as i tried to enjoy myself i couldn’t help but be preoccupied with the comparison to the last time i was in this neighborhood. in 2001 and 2002 i lived just a few blocks from this location, i used to jog several times a week on the track across the street. Williamsburg was definitely saturated with hipness by then, or probably even past the hipness stage, moving squarely into wannabe hipness…i.e., lots of artsy types still wanted to be there, but now the artsy types had much more $$. i have no capability of reading the litmus of hipness in the area now…the place looked like an urban outfitters catalog, so i suppose it is still somewhere along that continuum.

it stuck me how different my life is now compared to what it was then. the last time i was in this neighborhood i was single, in my mid-twenties, my life revolving entirely around work and making the most of being young and being in the city. now here i was, still enjoying myself yet somehow six years older, having moved out of the city, a homeowner, married and a mother. the greatest emphasis being on the fact that i am now a mother. no matter how much i could lose myself in the beauty of the evening…the incredible golden moon rising above the stage where Kim and Thurston rocked, with M by my side, there was a part of me that was always with baby W. every second. and somehow i felt the change that has transpired in my life more poignantly than perhaps i have ever before. while part of me was a bit jealous of the skinny-jean and granny-boot clad 20-somethings heading out for drinks after the show while i rushed home to my baby…the most striking part of the whole experience was realizing that i wanted to be rushing home to my baby (not to mention i could NEVER pull off that look). and while i realize that i will likely continue to, on occasion, feel those pangs of nostalgia, I am forever changed.

perhaps the whole experience was easier to swallow watching Kim Gordon churning out amazing music on stage, dancing around and looking incredible in all of her punk rock glory. Kim is a mama of a teenager and yet somehow she is still the queen of hip. seriously. she ROCKS. and thus there is hope….

baby-friendly eats in Noho

2007-07-15T21:07:00.000-04:00

M and i like to eat. very much. and we really love to eat out. this was something that we cut back on after we moved out of NYC, partly because our selection was more limited, but mostly because we went down to one salary after i returned to grad school. however we refused to give it up completely, but rather our dining became less regular and certainly cheaper…skipping the appetizers and dessert (eee gads!). and then along came baby W. before she was born i had visions of M and i dining in a romantically-lit restaurant, baby W snuggled in a sling, nursing or sleeping peacefully while we laughed and reminisced about our day and our new life as parents, holding hands across the table. cut to our first few meals out as a family: one of us trying to wolf down a meal at at one of our local faves, the fast-food joint Sparky’s (this link was the best i could find, please ignore the criticisms, they are ridiculous, and know that Sparky’s also serves nearly its entire menu in vegetarian options ) the other stood, waiting their turn while bouncing baby W in the sling, and trying to make it out of there before the eruption (we tried to have the person wearing and bouncing her also eat, but that person was M, and when we got home and unwrapped her, out fell several fries and a corner of a burger roll soaked in ketchup).

however, now she is older (4 ½ months - practically a toddler!) and if we time it right, we can eat during one of two scenarios: a) she has just fallen asleep in her stroller and there is enough white noise to keep her asleep while we eat, or b) she has just napped and eaten herself, and is entertained enough by her surroundings for us to down a quick meal. i figured that now that we are out and about with her in Northampton, it might be fun to blog about the places we go and the reaction we get – kind of a “baby-friendly” chow-hound. here are the two places (in addition to Sparky’s) that we’ve attempted thus far:

The Dirty Truth
at first glance, this looks like a bar. which it is. but in addition to their fabulous selection of beers and passable wine list, they have really excellent pub food…including food for vegetarians. their hot pretzel with spicy mustard is seriously one of the best i’ve ever had…seriously…i never fail to burn my mouth because i can’t wait for it to cool down before taking my first bite. M liked their fish and chips ( a little too much batter, he said) and every other plate we’ve seen go by has looked fabulous (we’re dying to try the mussels and fries). we have brought baby W in here on multiple occasions, sometimes just for beer, but also for food. we’ve had her in the sling and the stroller…there is plenty of room for the stroller if you go at an off time, and twice i’ve seen other parents with strollers having a beer. we’ve always felt incredibly welcome when we’ve had the baby along, and for this reason, along with the nice atmosphere and surprisingly good food, it is bound to be a regular.

The Brewery
baby W and i actually went here w/out M, but with friends and their 20 month old daughter. the first thing i have to report is the somewhat cool reception we received. i imagine we must have been a sight, three adults and two babies, lugging two strollers up to the roof-deck, but it was early (5 something on a Wednesday) and there was plenty of room. the very young hostesses looked at us as if we were from another planet and let us know (cordially?) that strollers were best kept at the bottom of the stairs. as i knew that baby W would do much better in the stroller than in my lap, i politely declined (their suggestion?) and most of the stroller actually fit quite nicely underneath the table. all in all, the food is pretty good, the drink selection if fine (i prefer the Dirty Truth) and we had a successful meal. the toddler climbed around and was entertained by her parents (something i’m taking mental notes on for the future, as i’ve come to understand this is a huge feat) and i did breastfeed, discreetly, at the table. in terms of baby-friendliness, i’d say they were OK. the staff seemed a bit annoyed, but not overtly so. i can’t imagine trying it during a busier time, however, as i somehow felt we were being tolerated because it was an off-time.

no impact man's "what you can do" recs

2007-07-03T19:47:00.000-04:00

reading no impact man usually makes me feel awe-inspired. and then guilty. and sometimes, it motivates me to act. this post, in particular, has action inducing potential. check it out at No Impact Man.

fade from green

2007-07-03T06:11:00.000-04:00

my Times post got me thinking…I used to be so committed to environmental responsibility. i went to College of the Atlantic for god’s sake. i envisioned leading a dedicated life of green. but over the past decade my green has faded into a dingy chartreuse. i even buy paper towels.

the hypocrisy seemed all that more potent when baby W came along…it is important to me to live the kind of life that i want to model for my daughter...i want her to grow up understanding environmental responsibility because that’s all she knows.

so, in an effort to publicize my transgressions and pledge to work on the ones that i can, here are my “what’s hot” and “what’s not” list of environmental confessions, in no particular order:

HOT
I breastfeed! (thanks to tanya lieberman at motherwear for thinking of this one - see her comment and link to a very cool post on her blog below)
I use cloth diapers
I have energy efficient laundry machine
I use non-toxic cleaners (ok mostly, occasionally I still use bleach – ack!)
I use cloth napkins, and try to use the same one all day long.
I use the same glass all day long (except when M finds it and puts it in the dishwasher and then I can’t tell which one it is and they all kind of smelly in there and I give up and get a new one)
I am very careful about how long I let the water run, I take very short showers
I almost always walk, instead of drive, downtown
Nearly all the baby stuff we have is hand-me-down
I almost always use a fan instead of an air conditioner
We recycle, but this is so lame. It kind of feels like an excuse to use lots of plastic.
I try to eat locally grown food whenever possible.
I use fluorescent bulbs

This list is pretty pathetic…hopefully I can add to it as I make more changes.

NOT
I no longer compost (i’ve promised myself I’ll create one this summer…although I said that last summer)
We use two cars (I really, really hate this but we have no plans to do anything about it other than drive as little as we can)
We have A LOT of baby stuff (there will be several upcoming posts on this)
I use paper towels! (I used to cringe when using paper towels)
We use the really disgustingly chemical-filled kitty litter
We mow our lawn (it is pretty small. but still.)
I use the air conditioner in my bedroom when it is really hot at night.
I don’t buy refillable products (shampoos, cleaners, etc….do these exist anywhere in the Pioneer Valley vicinity?)
I eat food that comes from far away.
I ride on planes.
I don’t use rechargeable batteries (and I am too embarrassed to admit how many batteries we went through for baby W’s swing during her colic period)

I am sure I am forgetting things, I’ll guiltily add them as I remember.

what does a girl have to do to get the Times in the valley?

2007-07-02T08:03:00.000-04:00

some of our fondest memories of living in new york are sunday mornings spent leisurely with bagels, coffee and the New York Times. And while “leisurely” is no longer in my vocabulary, and brueggers is the closest thing we now have to bagels, there is good coffee to be found in this town, as well as, supposedly, the New York Times. so in order to try to create the illusion of the sunday mornings of our pre-parenting past, we have the Times delivered on sundays. well, at least we do in theory.

once again yesterday morning I opened my door at 7:30 to find no paper. Then 8:30, still no paper. i called for a replacement paper, explaining that this is the fifth or so time that we have not received our paper (not counting the myriad of times we’ve called when instead of being tossed on the porch, the paper ended up in the middle of the road and run over). in fact, when the paper does actually end up on our porch, before 9am, i am shocked. a replacement paper was promised, but alas, none ever appeared.

it is not that I can’t get out my ass out of the house early enough on Sundays to go buy it myself, in fact baby W and I were strolling around the empty streets of downtown Northampton way before any decently-sleeping person should have been yesterday morning, but i really like the weekly ritual of opening the front door to see the bright blue plastic bag, bursting with newsy goodness. never mind that i rarely have time to read more than the fashion and style section and maybe the week in review if I am feeling ambitious.

i am not sure how to solve this dilemma. i suppose i could call the local distribution center and say that we actually hate the paper delivered to our porch and would much prefer it thrown in the road and while they are at it would they mind backing over it a few times? perhaps that would get us the paper neatly placed on the doormat. or, i suppose i could face facts and give up my leisurely sunday morning fantasy that really doesn’t exist anyway and start acting on my desire to return to my days of environmental responsibility and cancel the subscription. that’s it. i’m calling now.

the smile felt 'round the world

2007-07-01T11:55:00.000-04:00

one of the select few caught on camera, and i couldn't help but post it!

identity crisis #586

2007-07-01T11:22:00.000-04:00

i’ve always been the babysitter. i babysat from the age of twelve through my mid-twenties. now i’m the one who needs to hire a babysitter. it is the strangest thing…i was in denial for so long about my need for childcare that for the past couple of weeks, leading up to M’s out of town trip, i’ve been scrambling to find help. i’ve interviewed a handful of candidates, all the while feeling like i’m playing house, or dress-up. i used to be the one who would nervously go meet new parents. and they were so old.

the other day one potential candidate waited for me at the house when i was late returning from baby W’s doctor appointment. the baby had just had her 4 month immunizations and the poor little thing was still crying, the house looked like a tornado had run through it (i thought we’d be back in time to straighten up), and my mother had also stopped by. i had forgotten to put breast pads in my bra, and two round circles on the front of my shirt were becoming larger by the second as baby W continued to cry.

i felt completely disorganized, unprepared, and somewhat unfit for this new role. i know how to be a babysitter, i know what to do and what to say and what to expect. it is this brand new role of parent that doesn’t quite seem to fit.

Judging Mommy and Tales of the Too-Late Come-Back

2007-06-24T09:22:00.000-04:00

i heard stories about this while i was pregnant, and while i wanted to believe they were exaggerated, it is true, complete strangers do indeed judge my parenting skills! the trouble is, i can never think of a clever response until the opportunity has long passed. here are a couple of examples:

SCENE ONE
M and I are in an elevator, M is wearing baby W in a sling. 2 month old baby W is screaming her head off. Maybe because she is colicky, but most likely because she is a baby. M is bouncing back and forth, in a vain effort to soothe her. Two elderly women in the elevator seem to be giving us nasty looks. M and I ignore them, and try to carry on a conversation through the baby’s screams. Cavalier, perhaps, but definitely what we’ve learned to do with a baby that can marathon cry.

Elderly woman #1 snaps, “What are you doing to that baby?!” Elderly woman #2 nods in agreement of her companion’s disapproval.

What I said (smiling cordially): “Oh, she’s OK, she hasn’t had her nap yet and she’s overtired.”

What I wanted to say (smiling cordially): “We’re actually practicing a new behavior management technique…there are pins in the bottom of the sling. She’ll get used to it.”

SCENE TWO
I am pushing baby W in my new jogging stroller, which I am completely in love with, not because W is old enough for me to actually jog with yet, but because the suspension is incredible and it rocks her to sleep every time she is in it.

Busybody woman passes me and says, “She’s fast asleep.” Mistaking it as a comment about how sweet a sleeping baby is, I smile and say, “Yes, I know.” Busybody woman’s eyes narrow as she looks at me intently and says, “How do you know?” I am confused for a moment and ask her “How do I know what?” Busybody leans in closer and practically sneers “How do you know what she is doing, you can’t see her when she is facing away from you like that.”

What I said (trying to sound reassuring): “Oh, well I check on her regularly, through this little flap I can lift up, or by looking around the side” (I demonstrate these two acts of responsible mothering).

What I wanted to say (chuckling as if sharing a good joke): “Oh, I don’t know what she is doing…the other day I dragged her feet along the sidewalk for two blocks before I realized she had slipped down!”